Fetish Party. What is it that comes to mind when you hear those two words?

Chances are you may think of “sex maniacs”, “freaks”, and “weirdos”? People on the fringe of society and that are into that “kinky” shit? Is everyone there to just try and fuck each other?

Well I’m hear to break the misconception and let you in on a secret. I recently went to my first fetish party , and it was actually one of the most respectful and safe club parties I’ve ever attended.

(The theme was Wild Kingdom… so I was a pussy cat. Super original I know. And Jordan was the biggest bear!)

Here’s why fetish parties are the perfect place to tap into parts of your self-expression that don’t usually have an outlet in public.


I can speak for myself here, and potentially many other women too, that getting dressed up is one of the most playful and exciting things.  Adorning ourselves can be a lot of fun and really appeal to our feminine essence and energy!

I know so many of us don’t get the opportunity to be creative with costumes or fancy makeup in our day to day lives.

Think of how popular Halloween is. Even as adults we look forward to that time of year where we get to feel like a kid again and dress up however the fuck we want.

A fetish party it’s like Halloween all over again, only you aren’t getting shamed for being a “slutty _______” fill in the blank (nurse, animal, cop, etc.).

“In the real world, Halloween is when kids dress up in costumes and beg for candy. In Girl World, Halloween is the one day a year when a girl can dress up like a total slut and no other girls can say anything else about it.” – Cady Heron (yes, I just quoted Mean Girls)

(Getting all dolled up for this event reminded me of times when I used to get stage ready for go-go performances. Where else in my life do I get to put on full out cat makeup with glitter included!)


First off let’s just say that as we get older, going to a nightclub becomes less and less appealing. I absolutely love getting eight hours of sleep, and waking up sans hangover. Feelin’ me? #grannystyles

But, there is one thing I miss about clubs in general, and that’s getting to bust a move on the dance floor.

But even in a normal club, if you fully embody your sexy self on the dance floor one of two things can sometimes happen;

1) Men take it as a signal that you want to be hit on (which may be true some of the time, but often us girls just want to dance!), or 2) You may feel a jealous and judgmental energy from other women who see your expression as threatening or attention seeking.

Attempting to avoid these reactions (for the most part) by removing myself from the dance floor, was part of the appeal that go-go dancing had for me when I first started. It became the one place where I felt confident expressing this energy and having it feel acceptable in public, (until I went to my first fetish party that is!).

The dance floor at my first fetish party was a safe place for everyone to dance however they felt. Whether that meant moving like a sex kitten. Playfully wiggling their hips. Twerking. Or casually bopping along with the music. Every range of expression was welcomed without judgment.


One thing that sets a fetish party apart from a regular club night, is the fact that a strict fetish dress code is mandatory. This means that people from all walks of life, all ages, and all shapes and sizes show up as they are in their sexiest gear.

It’s such a beautiful atmosphere to see people owning their shape. And not apologizing for existing as a human being in a human body.

I know that going into the event I had my own insecurities flare up from years of conditioning around my body image.

You’d think that I would be used to dancing in my underwear by now. But I quit go-go dancing a few months ago.  And since taking this time off, I’ve noticed some changes in my body pop up. So this even helped me refocus on practicing body self-love and acceptance.

This was the perfect place for me to move through these insecurities around my new figure. And really embrace, love and accept my new squishy glitter-covered lady bits!


I felt a deep level of respect for personal space and boundaries in general at this event.

This was super apparent on the dance floor. But also in the general rules and code of conduct of the party.

Some rules that I absolutely adored were:

  • No continuing unwanted conversations if the other party is uncomfortable. No means no.
  • No phones, cameras, or picture permitted (which also made people more present at the party! No one was killing the vibe by being glued to their phone screen or social media all night.)
  • No uninvited physical contact

* This isn’t a full extensive list. But you get the idea of how committed the event is to promoting a space of mutual respect and safety. There were security guards clearly visible at all times to help uphold the rules of the event.


Last, but most definitely one of the most important points, is that the fetish culture normalizes sexual expression.

We as human beings come from sex, and we all have sexual desires. There is nothing shameful, or bad about sex. But we live in a culture that has some pretty messed up beliefs and judgments around such a natural act. Someone looking from the outside in may not be fully comfortable with an event like this. But that’s probably only if they haven’t learned to accept their own sexuality first.

Which is why I felt called to write about my first experience. This type of event really allows you to be in the presence of accepted sexual energy. And it can really help melt so much shame around our bodies, and sexuality. I feel this is so important for our species to heal as a collective. Especially if we are wanting to create more love, connection, and acceptance in our world.

Overall, it was a great place to feel sexy, free and have fun dancing the night away. While also being surrounded by super respectful, expressive and sexy  individuals!

If you’re looking to melt through resistance you have around your body or sexuality, then start at an event like this.

“A comfort zone is a beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there.”- unknown.

Photos by Jordan Gray

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